A Mother’s Love: Reconnecting After Estrangement

He turns 24 years old next week. It will be the second time we have had the opportunity to spend his birthday together...

And it looks like we will have our second opportunity to spend winter holidays together as well. 

He certainly has genius (she says with a natural flow of joyful pride), and YES! - we all have genius, yet he has the kind which tends to be Recognized in our culture :-) - he is pursuing a PhD in mathematics, and was sought after by top universities as a candidate for such. 

And me, his mom, of course I love him more than anything! He is my baby boy and we bonded ever deeply - for his first couple of years - until the hand of strife and mistrust pulled us apart, bringing an end to our breastfeeding relationship. As it happened, those last couple of court dates, that made such a sudden calamity a reality, fell right on the eclipses of sun and then moon.

He was just a toddler....

Here now, 24 years later in 2025, we are again right between the eclipses this September...

As I share my heart musings, this question arises in me like a decorated chariot:

How is it a mother's heart can heal? 

(Eyes tearing up, my breath changes as the words come out..)

I remember ever quickly, gratefully, that I can show up with wisdom - with full adulthood - if I intend to - and speak from that wisdom to myself... So I shift my focus from the abyss of sadness, and answers comes right up -

'With imagination and determination and infinite patience..."

Ha! That's all... 

So I call upon FRESHNESS for this task of healing. Absolute Freshness. This is a gift word from the Gene Keys. (genekeys.com - ever worth a look!)

And I claim it, Freshness! I must be awake, aware, here and now, and look around - seeing everything as I had never seen it ever before...because otherwise, how can I possibly start speaking about something that is so horrendous, it most certainly feels like a tenuous step out - into danger, right to the edge of the cliff hanging over the abyss of painful separation....

Imagination. Yes yes, I must use my imagination (!) and of course one reason is because I don't have the modeling for the relational experiences that I wish for. So I must have an active, vivid, colorful, involving, engaging imagination. 

And use it every day.

Determination. If I have not determined that I will reach the end goal, I could easily miss it, of course. Yet that end goal is not something that is actually separate from me in the moment, it lives here now inside my own heart and mind and spirit. I am determined, and my determination creates that the pathway to this fullness of experience of happy relation, of healed hearts sharing openly... 

I know it, I feel it I see it I hear it I can imagine it, and I can rise to the level of trust...  and totally trust that it's possible. Therefore it must happen. 

Infinite patience. Of course. Because this is not a determination about something on the outside of me or the actions of another person. This is me activating the truth of my choice from within me, and here it is, 3D reality will help me see what it is I'm creating. I must take the feedback and learn. 

And if I don't have infinite patience for this learning process I will listen to those immature voices within me, those screaming hurt children.... There will always be temptation to think of time as being against me, and saying it's never going to work. Or saying that or feeling it or thinking it in some insidious way - without even realizing...

That I am, that I am compromising myself and relating to something that is not my true spirit. That is not coming from the picture of the wholeness of what I am and who I am and what is unfolding in this life for me to learn, to implement, to engage....

So this infinite patience is needed to show up as that loving mother with infinite tenderness for my own self, my own beingness, as I navigate the process of learning...

Dear Ones, readers, friends… In case you have had this kind of experience as well, been separated from a child, from a loved one, a painful estrangement, please know - I am here and I feel for you. 

And like everything else, it's all an inside job. 3D reality is simply here to show us what we have already created, so that we can take a next breath and choose once again. This is a lesson from "A Course In Miracles".

Choose once again.

In other words, don't bother explaining the injustice, or the details of why you are suffering. Notice that there is suffering and, in your next breath, choose once again...

This is my piece. My truth. Thank you for showing up. 

all my love all my love all my love 

Sri Sharie